Michael C. Bouchard & Co.
Plate III · Monologue

Wrong Foot

From Women's Comedic Monologues.

Ok. Ok. I think we got off on the wrong foot and I want to apologize for my part in that. Although you’re no walk in the park either, if we’re being honest. You can be real jerk actually. But, that’s not the point of this chat. We’re going to be spending a lot of time around each other in the future and I want us to be friends. I know that when I’ve asked you to do things, sometimes I can come off as harsh. But I can promise you that I will be less harsh if you stop doing things that piss me off. See? I can be reasonable. And you may know nothing about fashion and have absolutely zero taste, but I am willing to take up my own time and teach you. I am willing to do that because I am the bigger person. I just don’t think you hear me when I’m talking to you. Like now. You’re not even paying attention. Hey. HEY. (Snaps fingers) Sit. SIT. Good. Good boy. I think we have an understanding. But I swear on Louis Vuitton's grave that if I catch you chewing another pair of my shoes I will make you the first Chihuahua to run the Iditarod. Now go play.

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