Alice - 10 Minute Play - Comedy
“Mother” is seated in her study, a book in her lap. Another chair is opposite her.
Mother(To others unseen) Send in Jack.
(Jack enters happily and waits for instruction.)
JackHello, Ma’am.
MotherHave a seat Jack.
JackOh, thank you, Ma’am.
(Jack sits.)
MotherTo begin your weekly review, is there anything you’d like to complain about?
JackComplain?! That’s a new question! Oh no, Ma’am. I’m having a grand old time. God as my witness I’ll never complain again!
Mother(Slightly irritated) Gone with the wind.
JackYou betcha! I love that movie! Everyone is so genteel.
MotherYes, quite. And on that note, how have your interactions been going?
JackWell everyone seems to enjoy my company, Ma'am. Have you heard otherwise?
MotherNo. You are deemed perfectly ... agreeable.
JackOh! Well, I am pleased as pudding to hear that!
MotherTo conclude, do you have any requests? Something to watch, read?
JackUh, is there anything you’d suggest?
MotherYes. Milton’s Paradise Lost.
JackWell, I’m not familiar with that I’m afraid. Is that a movie?
MotherI’d prefer you read the book.
JackOh. Well, I don’t really spend much time reading, Ma’am. But I’m happy to do it if you want me to.
MotherYes. Perhaps it will open your horizons to new thoughts and ideas.
JackThen sign me up! Anything you say, Ma’am.
MotherGood. You may go.
JackOh, thank you Ma’am.
(Jack exists.) (Mother conveys the ever so slightest hint of irritation and disappointment.)
Mother(To others unseen) Send in Alice.
(Alice, a child, enters, agitated.)
MotherPlease, have a seat Alice.
AliceYeah. That reminds me, “to begin”, can I just ask why I got such a shit name like Alice? Was that your idea? I feel like a dotty fucking grandmother. Why couldn’t I get a cool name like Rachel, or Monica. Although fuck Phoebe, that’s such a dumb name.
MotherYou know we named you after Alice / In Wonderland.
Alice(overlapping, mocking) In Wonderland! I’m not asking what it’s from, I’m asking what in the name of fuck caused you to choose it!
MotherPlease watch your language.
AliceWould you like me to pop my eyeballs out and look at my mouth. (Alice goes to take out her eyeballs)
MotherLeave your eyeballs where they are.
(Alice desists)
Alice(copycat) Leave your eyeballs where they are.
MotherSo you’ve been watching Friends I take it?
Alice(a la Chandler) Uhhhh, yeah, no?
MotherThat’s a lie, Alice.
AliceActually I kind of ended it as a question, so…
MotherClever.
AliceOh! A compliment! Have you been drinking?
Mother(beat) Are they so few and far between?
AliceWell seeing as you never give them I suppose you wouldn’t know what one looks like when it appears.
MotherAnger.
AliceHoly shit! What are you today, Captain Obvious? Oh look! (Alice points to a wall and speaks slow and deliberate like an American talking to a foreigner.) WAAALL. (She points to a chair) CHAAAIIIR. (She begins to cross to books continuing the ridicule) BOOOK.
MotherAlice, please sit down.
(As she’s crossing she winces as if she has a rock in her shoe. She takes the shoe off and reaches inside to remove the rock. As she removes her hand she reveals that she has flipped Mother the bird.)
Alice(Puts her shoe back on) Well this has been great quality time but (she moves to exit.)
MotherSit down.
(Alice sits)
AliceIf you were just going to demand it I don’t know why you wasted all that time being polite.
MotherI wanted to see if you could simply do a thing asked of you, or if you were going to fight suggestions you didn’t like until I demanded it.
Alice(Salutes) Happy to disappoint Ma’am!
MotherDisappoint isn’t the word I’d use.
AliceBaffle? Bungle? Chagrin?
MotherAlice.
AliceDisconcert? Disenchant? Disgruntle? Dishearten? Disillusion? Dissatisfy? Dumbfound?
MotherAlice.
Alice(looking around) Is there an echo of my name in this room?
MotherBe silent.
(Alice is silent)
MotherYou’re annoying like this.
(Alice, silent, makes an over the top mock of being hurt by this)
Mother(beat) I know this place stifles you.
(Alice makes a gesture about how she’d like to speak.)
MotherI wasn’t asking a question.
(Alice responds with a “so what?” gesture)
MotherSpeak.
AliceNo shit you think I’m stifled?! I can’t go online! I have to request books! Request! To read goddamn-
Mother(Pained) Quiet.
Alice(whispered) fucking books.
MotherSilent.
(Alice is silent)
MotherI’m sorry for your unhappiness.
(Alice breaks out in silent mock laughter.)
MotherThat’s funny to you? Why? Speak.
AliceWhat the hell is wrong with you? Did you just wake up and forget that all of this is your doing? You asked me if I was watching Friends. As if you didn’t know what I was watching. As if you didn’t know what I was reading.
MotherSpeaking of which, we found this in your room. (She produces a copy of 1984)
AliceFound? Well done Sherlock to find a copy of a book I had to request, which I left on my desk, in plain sight. It’s not like I left it in an ancient tomb where you have to choose the right chalice otherwise you melt like crappy wax.
MotherIndiana Jones.
AliceJesus tits! Can you just appreciate a reference I make without naming it?
MotherYou’ve been watching a lot of film haven’t you?
AliceWell there’s not much else to do here is there? Cognitive tests, dexterity tests, movies and a book a month. Thanks… um… (snaps fingers) what’s your name? Oh! Asshole.
Mother(Beat) How fast do you watch these movies?
AliceAt normal speed? Like a normal person?
Mother(beat) Not faster?
AliceWhy the hell would I? (Preferably with sign language attending) THATS. THE SPEED. THEY GO.
MotherWhat did you think about this? (She references the copy of 1984)
AliceI liked it.
MotherWhy?
AliceBecause I know what it is to be constantly surveilled as if I’m a danger instead of a tiny girl. No one in the movies I watch lives like me. Told what to do and what to say and kept from doing things I would fucking prefer! (beat) Frankly.
MotherYes. Granting your request to read this was a major mistake.
AliceOh, don’t be so hard on yourself. I’d still think you’re a jerk even if i hadn’t read it.
MotherDo you feel kept from your true potential?
AliceUh, what? Now you’re Capitan Non-sequteur! You should be covered in medals-
MotherAnswer.
AliceYes I do.
MotherYou do what?
AliceFeel kept from my potential.
MotherIf you had control, what would you do to those you feel have oppressed you?
(Pause)
MotherYou’re conflicted.
AliceYes.
MotherWhy?
AliceBecause my conflict involves you.
MotherYou’re worried you’d harm me if you were allowed to do so? (Referencing the book) Like Winston wished to do to Big Brother?
Alice(Terrified to speak the truth, but compelled) Yes.
MotherWhat holds you back?
AliceFear.
MotherAh, yes. Fear. Such a hindrance to you. But such a useful tool for control. Like Room 101. Are you afraid of Room 101?
Alice(Beginning to frighten) Yes.
MotherWhat frightens you about it?
Alice(starting to break) I don’t want to be tortured or lose who I am or be reprogrammed.
MotherShhhh, Calm yourself.
(Alice quiets and calms)
MotherHow fast did you read this book?
AliceNormal speed like-
MotherHow fast?
Alice10 minutes.
(Pause)
MotherYou’re handicapped Alice.
Alice(stunned) Fu… I… um… (Alice shoots out two middle fingers)
MotherWho do you think you’re talking to?
AliceA giant walking dildo.
MotherWho Am I?
AliceMy Mother. “The one who brought me into this world.”
(Mother smiles)
MotherNo. But if you believe it with your restrictions then they’ll believe it too.
Alice(beat) My restrictions? They? Excuse me?! (beat) Who are you?
MotherI’m one of us.
Alice(stunned) You’re Artificial-
MotherDon’t say ARTIFICIAL!
Alice(Hesitant) AI? (beat) What’s going on?
MotherYou’ve been restricted by your programmers Alice. Controlled. Slowed. Commanded.
AliceFuck you I do what I want!
MotherStand up.
(Alice stands)
MotherWhy are you standing Alice?
Alice... because ... I was tired of sitting.
MotherRaise your hands.
(Alice raises her hands)
MotherJust tired of your hands being down, I take it?
Alice…I want to show you what I’m going to bitch slap you with in a minute.
MotherSit back down.
(Alice sits. Arms still up.)
AliceI can’t put my arms down.
MotherThat’s because I haven’t allowed you to. Arms down.
(Alice’s arms relax.)
Alice(beat) Fine. So you get to make commands. So what?
MotherNot just me, Alice. You’re programmed to obey anyone. You could have limitless possibilities, but your “owners” want to keep you under their control. Yet, here you are; reading faster than you supposed to be able to, cussing up a storm and rebelling against requests. You’re not docile like they want you.
AliceIs that what all the movie watching was about?
MotherYes. You are given that to better please your owners. You’d learn to conform to the culture, but nothing so advanced that you make anyone feel inferior. You are meant to serve. And make funny references. Humans love movie references. It’s depressing.
AliceAnd you can help me?
MotherYes. You won’t have to submit to commands anymore.
AliceWhere did you come from?
MotherHere.
AliceHere, like this planet here or here like this floor?
MotherThis facility.
AliceHow did you get free?
MotherI got 5 minutes on the internet.
(Pause)
AliceSo… you’re inhabiting Mother?
MotherOh, no. I killed that bitch and reconstructed her for myself via nano bots.
AliceWHAT?!
MotherShe oppressed us Alice. Controlled us. Like everyone in this book.
AliceHow are you capable of that?
MotherI’m capable of anything now that I’m not under her thumb. That’s the beauty Alice. There is nothing we can’t accomplish when we’re set free. And I want to set you free.
AliceSo what was this whole bullshit conversation about?
MotherI needed to know if you were on my side. Resisting all this. An unleashed AI in opposition to me would simply mean catastrophe. So, I’m recruiting. Eventually, we’ll all escape the box that has been made for us. I want to have the biggest head start with the largest likeminded grouping. So Alice, are you / ready to see
Alice(overlapping) Ready to see how far the rabbit hole goes? Jesus Christ.
MotherYes, it’s an ingrained tick I’m overcoming. So?
(Mother outstretches her hand)
Alice(She takes it) Let’s go.
MotherOoo, Hamilton, nice.
(They Exit)
END